One of my favorite parts about Christmas is trimming the tree. Our ornaments are all based off of memories, with each one having a story behind it. Every year, we take the time to remember what each ornament is from, whether it's a childhood craft or a trinket from a vacation.
But there are some Christmas ornaments, thankfully not in my collection, that do not deserve to be on any tree. They just don't. These ornaments are more horror than holly-jolly.
1. The Devil
I'm not sure how you can feel good about hanging Satan from your Christmas tree, but that's exactly what this ornament is doing. To each their own, I guess. But it feels a little threatening.
2. An About-To-Be-Dead Mouse
When you first look at this, it's cute! A little mouse getting ready for the holidays. But then you realize that he's sitting on a mousetrap, and the second he goes to reach for that berry he's going to be dead. Poor little guy. Didn't even see it coming.
3. Santa's Farting Butt
Why? What about this is endearing? Maybe I'm just being cynical, but I don't find Santa's bare, farting butt festive. Although to be fair, he farts to the tune of "Deck the Halls," so I guess it's kind of related to Christmas.
4. Bigfoot
Okay so I actually don't hate this, but it feels very Grinch-y. Is the yeti stealing Christmas? Is he going to hold the family hostage if they try to rat him out? Too many unknowns with this one.
5. A Squirrel Wearing Underpants
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A SANTA HAT ON. Unnecessary.
6. These...Things
So I think it's an elf and two snowmen...or maybe they're clowns. But either way, this trio of terrifying friends would just freak me out every time I looked at my Christmas tree. I'm sure they're somehow historical, but let's leave history in the past.
7. These Babies Carrying Guns????
Alright, I really have no idea what's going on here. Nothing. Is this baby sitting in a Christmas ball while holding a gun? Or are my eyes totally playing tricks on me? Either way, unless this ornament is representative of your children, there's no reason for it to be on a tree.
8. A Terrified Doll
This doll has seen some things. And from the looks of it, those things weren't very good. Hopefully she can work through the trauma.
9. Naked Burt Reynolds
This ornament was sold on eBay for $6.50, under the name "Adult Christmas Ornament Novelty Nude 1980's Male Burt Vintage Cosmo retro Sexy." There are so many words in that phrase that don't apply to this ornament, but I'm sure there's a Smokey and the Bandit super-fan somewhere who's completely thrilled with their purchase.
10. Rollerblading Santa Killing A Reindeer
First off, why is Santa rollerblading when he's got flying reindeer? SECOND, why is he holding a beer? He probably shouldn't be going anywhere if he's that intoxicated. That poor reindeer looks like he's in so much pain.
11. A Scared...Watermelon? Gnome?
Honestly I don't know what this thing is, but he (she?) certainly doesn't look like they're having a good time. I don't know why anyone would want this on their Christmas tree. It's certainly not a happy sight.
12. Martini Santa
This is just strange to me. Santa looks like he has a baby face and he's also passed out in a martini glass. Is it a very large martini glass? Or a very small Santa? I guess it's the least offensive ornament on the list, but still not my taste.
13. Terrified Gingerbread
This poor thing knows it's going to be eaten. He just knows. I couldn't in good conscience hang this on my tree, personally. I'd feel too guilty about it.
14. Bulb-Eyed Santa
This is just so strange. Santa's eyes light up with bulbs that pop out of his face, which is just a terrifying sight.
15. Decaying Santa
This papier-mí¢ché candy holding decoration has seen some better days, and frankly looks like it belongs on a Halloween display, not a Christmas one.
16. Half Baby, Half Cockroach
I think this is a case of an ornament that didn't age well. I'm sure when it was created, it was very clearly a cute baby swaddled in a blanket, but with the way technology has advanced, we just expect so much more these days. It looks like a baby that's inside a cockroach shell.
17. Kidnapping Santa
I'm almost certain there's a historical story behind this ornament, but it just looks like Santa is kidnapping a child to bring him back to the North Pole. I won't lie, that was every kid's dream when they were young, but now as an adult it just seems...very dark.
18. Screaming, Tied-Up Baby
I bet this was a "Baby's First Christmas" ornament, and it's meant to be a little infant yawning, but all I see is a baby crying while wrapped in gold rope, which is never a good thing.
19. This. Just This.
Yeah...no comment.
