Every parent knows that it's a partnership to raise kids. It's not about keeping score on who does what, but working together to raise a child in a house full of love. After a woman gives birth, dads will often feel like there's nothing they can do because the baby is so dependent on its mother. However, for Ted Gonder, he says it's the opposite. Gonder wrote a touching post about what new dads can do to be a better partner.
"I'm now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro," he wrote. "Here's what I would tell my childless 24 year old self about how to be a supportive partner during the 'becoming parents' phase:"
"1. Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get," he began. "Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable."
"2. Wifey is breastfeeding and--while beautiful and fulfilling for her--it's exhausting," he continued. "So you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife's friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you."
"3. Make her the decaf coffee every morning," he suggested. "Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you're working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset."
"4. Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self critical and hopeless about her body," he suggested. "Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 kilograms to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time."
"5. Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth," he pointed out. "She won't seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn't say if she didn't feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn't, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours."
The post went completely viral, with over 56,000 shares and became an internet sensation. His wife, Franziska, was taken aback by all the support, and he decided to do a post of her own.
My husband went crazily viral (150k likes and shares) over the past 4ish weeks. As his wife I am proud that his message received so much attention - it needs to.
And I am also here to share my 2 cents upon his last two posts. A rare Facebook moment for me so I hope I can make it a good one."
"1. It is amazing to see how many women tagged their significant others to thank them for a similar support. Kudos to all those strong families out there. The world needs kids with strong support systems and their parents are their very first one ❤..
2. I received hundreds of friend requests from women asking for relationship advice. Eehhmmm well... we just really love each other. But there are two things that stand out for me in our relationship:
- We argue. And always grow from it. It might get heated or loud once in a while (usually household-related shit) but we never walk away from it without asking: what's going to be better next time? This is especially important during big life transitions a.k.a. raising 3 small boys 😉
When we moved in with each other we built a family manifesto + vision. We learned a lot about each other, the life we want to live with each other & individually, how we want to raise our children and what our daily family life should look like. We made a lot of sacrifices along the way and still do in order to live as connected as we do today. We had a lot of big professional opportunities, projects, or personal chances that we denied cause it didn't fit for us, and moved across continents more than once to keep optimizing..
My message? Behind every strong couple stand two individuals who unconditionally and continually invest in each others’ growth. Love is active, not passive. It's a verb, not a subject..And with that, I am going back in my little family bubble with no fame and glitter, but loads of boys, laundry, dirty dishes, money to earn, a business to build and my coaching business to grow. Hallelujah.
This couple seems to be the definition of solid, and both of them are sharing great advice.
