We have all been in a toxic relationship at some point in our lives, a lot of us have even been in more than just one. But why do we do it? It seems simple looking from the outside in, if you're relationship is making you more sad than happy, just leave.
It is not nearly as simple if you're the one in the relationship. You could stay in a relationship that isn't working for a million reasons. Maybe it's your first real relationship and you just assume that's normal, you could be scared of being alone, or maybe you truly love them and don't want to hurt them.
There comes a time in any relationship that we need to take a step back, and ask ourselves how happy this relationship is making you.
If you think your relationship may be toxic but you don't want to end it for whatever reason, you need to remind yourself that you deserve happiness, and you will find someone that can give it to you.
But what really counts as a toxic relationship, and how do you know if it's unhealthy? Here are nine signs your relationship may be toxic or just not working.
1. There is no trust.
A relationship without trust is not one that will ever work out in the long run. Even if every bone in your body is a jealous one, you should still be able to trust your partner and know they would never do anything to break your trust. If you don't trust them, there is obviously a reason for that.
This could be because you have been hurt in the past or they have done something to wrong you in the past. It is definitely something to work on, but you also have to listen to your gut and trust your instincts.
2. They make you feel small or unworthy.
This can be shown through a number of ways. Basically, it's not healthy if your partner makes you feel like you are lesser than them, and constantly puts themselves above you, at all times. Your partner should make you feel like you matter the most at all times, and you should do the same for them. A one-sided relationship is an unhealthy one.
3. You can't picture a future.
This doesn't necessarily mean you're in a unhealthy relationship, but it could be a clear sign that they aren't the one for you. This doesn't mean that you can picture getting married on the first date, but you are in a relationship and you can't see a future with them or even can picture your life without them, you're not on the right track.
4. You're more often sad than happy.
This one seems obvious, but to someone that's in a toxic relationship, it may not always be so obvious. If you find yourself more sad in a relationship than happy, it's time to move on. When we're in toxic relationships, we usually latch on the the times we are happy and don't acknowledge how often we are actually more upset.
5. You lie about parts of your relationship to your friends.
I once found myself in a relationship that I felt I needed to hide certain parts of it to my closest friends. In this case, my friends knew it was toxic and often tried to tell me I deserved better. I never listened to them about it. I found myself beginning to hold off telling them about certain fights we had and things I wanted to tell them, but felt I couldn't.
After the relationship was over I realized how wrong it was that I felt like I couldn't talk to my friends, because deep down I knew I was being treated badly.
These next four are often seen in unhappy relationships...
6. You walk on eggshells around them.
You should never feel as if you have to walk on eggshells around someone in order to avoid conflict. Obviously fights happen in a relationship and they are completely normal, but if any tiny thing sets off your partner, it is probably toxic.
Even if someone has had a bad day, it is not fair of them to put their stress onto you, and make you feel as if it is your fault.
7. Unresolved problems.
Unresolved problems can be a huge factor in a relationship not working. For example, if one of you has made a mistake in the past, and the other decided to forgive, but they haven't truly let it go. This can bring up a huge amount of problems if that person still holds the mistake with them and throws it in the other person's face, constantly.
Obviously, with good communication these problems can usually be resolved, but if the communication isn't there, the relationship could be on a downwards spiral.
8. You catch yourself craving attention from people that aren't your partner.
This doesn't necessarily mean cheating, but if you find yourself looking for attention in people that aren't your partner, this could be telling you something. This could mean a number of things, but most commonly it means that you are missing something in your relationship that you are looking for in others.
This doesn't necessarily mean you are in a toxic relationship, but don't brush it off if you find yourself feeling this way, it could mean something.
9. They can't make you feel better after a bad day.
This is small, but can be a big one in the long run. After we've had a bad day it is nice to be with someone that can put a smile on your face no matter what kind of mood you're in. If you don't feel like you can go to your partner with your problems or things that are bothering you, you probably aren't with the right person.
Every relationship is completely different. If you are in a relationship that you think may be toxic, it is time to move on. Trust me, I know telling someone to leave someone they love is basically impossible, but it is always healthy to take a step back and look at the situation you are in. You will only be able to leave when you are fully ready, but believe me when I say, once you leave a toxic relationship you will never look back.