Demi Lovato, who has been open about her struggles to stay sober for the past six years, seems to have revealed a relapse in her latest song.
The 25-year-old singer dropped a surprise new song today called "Sober," which seems to highlight a recent relapse.
Momma I'm so sorry. I'm not sober anymore. And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor. To the ones who never left me, we've been down this road before. I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore.[...]
I don't know why. I do it every, every, every time. It's only when I'm lonely. Sometimes I just wanna cave. And I don't wanna fight.
[...]
And I'm sorry for the fans I lost who watched me fall again / I wanna be a role model, but I'm only human. I'm sorry that I'm here again. I promise I'll get help. It wasn't my intention. I'm sorry to myself.
Though it's not an official statement, the song is pretty telling. Lovato posted the link on her Twitter page and captioned it "My truth..."
It's not exactly an official statement, but all signs seem to point to a relapse for Lovato. She wrote in May about needing to "start a new chapter" in her life.
"There's nothing like the truth," she said. "The honest to God, uncomfortable and shocking truth. Sometimes you have to share your story in the most honest way possible... for me that's through music. Sometimes you have to end an era to begin talking about a new chapter of your life."
Just last year, she spoke of her struggles and how she stays sober while receiving the "Spirit of Sobriety" award at the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug Prevention Summer Spectacular.
"Every day is a battle," she said at the time. "You just have to take it one day at a time, some days are easier than others and some days you forget about drinking and using, but for me, I work on my physical health, which is important, but my mental health as well."
Fans speculated that Lovato had relapsed in the past few months, after a picture of her looking out of sorts while holding what appeared to be alcohol appeared on Instagram.
The singer also had to cancel tour dates recently due to "production issues."
"I'm absolutely heartbroken that I have to make this announcement today... due to production issues we have to move the South America dates," Lovato tweeted on April 10. "Ecuador, Costa Rica, and Panama I'm devastated we had to remove those shows."
Lovato battles a serious cocaine addiction, stemming from her days as a Disney star.
"I would smuggle it basically and just wait until everyone in first class would go to sleep and I would do it right there," she said in her memoir. "I'd sneak to the bathroom and I'd do it. That's how difficult it got and that was even with somebody [with me], I had a sober companion, somebody who was watching me 24/7 and living with me [and] I was able to hide it from them as well."
But even though she thought it was hidden, Lovato says her addiction began to take a toll on her family. It got to the point where they wouldn't let her see her younger sister, Maddie, until she got sober.
The final [intervention], everyone was like, "˜We are no longer going to leave, we are leaving. That was the moment when I thought, "˜Okay, I really need to get help and get sober.' This time I knew... I had hit rock bottom and I just needed to do this for myself.I knew that I had a lot of life ahead of me but one of the main reasons of getting sober was so that I could be around my little sister because my mom and dad [said I couldn't be around her] if I was doing stuff.
Lovato has also battled eating disorders in the past, at the same time as her cocaine struggles.
It was always there, but then I just acted on it at around 8 or 9 years old. I started overeating, compulsively overeating. I would bake cookies and then eat the whole pan. I went from doing that to being unhappy with my body.I went to just completely starving myself and that turned into throwing up and starving myself and it was just this crazy battle going on inside of me. It got really difficult [and] I would throw up and it would just be blood and it was something that I realized if I don't stop this, I am going to die.
Lovato's reps have not confirmed a relapse at this time, but all the evidence appears to be there. We hope that the singer is able to seek the treatment she needs to live her life in sobriety once again.