Let me start off by saying the police have an extremely difficult job. I don't envy them one bit. Witnesses can be extremely unreliable, often times even in shock, so getting them to give an accurate description of a criminal can be a tough task.
All that being said, these police sketches are just...they're criminal. It's shocking that police thought that these could help find a suspect...and even more shocking that some of them probably did!
1. Long Neck McGee
Alright, so admittedly this is a decent drawing...but there are no identifying features that make him look like anything but a preppy high schooler. Plus, I'm almost positive he's half giraffe.
2. He Nose Something
This almost feels like a personal attack on the suspect. Perhaps the sketch artists knew who it was and had a personal vendetta against him? Either way, the shading is out of control.
3. Eye For An Eye
Okay...so if he doesn't have eyes, then why does he need glasses? Seems a little suspicious if you ask me.
4. Mad Hatter
Ah yes, the infamous man with a hat for a face. Good thing hats aren't removable pieces of clothing that the suspect could discard of at any given moment. Oh. Wait.
5. The Jig Is Up
This is about as plain as a sketch can get, and yet they still managed to catch the guy. He even tried deceiving them with that awful goatee. Better luck next time, sir.
6. Who, Me?
Are we sure this isn't the guy who witnessed a crime? He seems pretty stunned for someone who is doing something illegal.
7. Look At This...Graph
There's no way this can be real, right? I'm hoping this a sketch sent in to the police by someone who was trying to help. Otherwise, they need to have a serious talk with their sketch artist and make sure they actually know how to hold a pencil.
8. You Have The Right To Romaine Silent
What could have possibly been said here that prompted the police to give this mean a literal head of lettuce? You know what, though? I hope they found this guy...and I hope this is literally what he looks like.
9. Tan Lines For Days
Apparently whoever saw this woman thought she had a seriously bad case of "forgot to take my sunglasses off to tan evenly." In real life, she didn't. But she did have a truly unfortunate set of bangs that somehow the witness failed to mention.
10. Sorry, What?
I just...I don't know what to say about this. I'm rarely rendered speechless, but this is one of those cases where I am. Is this a terrible fan drawing of David Bowie from Labyrinth? Because it sure feels like it is.
11. Toupee Notch
I would be willing to bet that this man was arrested for stealing Rogaine. No one has that much luscious hair naturally. It just doesn't happen.
12. I Moustache You A Question
Okay, so you know how this picture is insane and you can barely believe anyone looks like this? It gets crazier...this was actually a woman dressed up as a man. She did so in order to kill her daughter-in-law because there was a custody battle regarding the woman's grandson. Something tells me murder isn't the solution, but I'm not a cop so what do I know?
13. Where Is His Ear?
We can all agree that computer technology has come an incredibly long way, but this is one of those times that a hand-drawn sketch probably would have been a better alternative. Because unless this man truly is missing an ear, has a neck bulge on his left side, and an off-center mouth, this is probably not a great rendering of him.
14. You Tried
Granted, this isn't a police sketch, but it did make the news as something that was supposed to be helpful. Needless to say, it was not. Although kudos to the citizen who tried to help.
