Raccoons, nature's thieving, mischief-making little court jesters. Never mind Finding Nemo and its clown fish, raccoons are the real jokesters of the animal kingdom.
The cute furry little critters that we've all seen are scavengers, they are also omnivores. That means that like to root out something to eat, and they eat just about everything. That curious nature, combined with having hands almost as useful as human hands, leads these adorable animals to get into a lot of trouble.
Tanked
Take this raccoon for instance. Maybe he heard the call of his country and decided to enlist, but more likely he got peckish. Either way, this obese raccoon decided to sniff out some scrumptions snacks inside an army tank. The fatso got stuck in a turret, but thankfully the Ohio National Guard was there to rescue him.
Stop, Thief!
As cute as they are, raccoons don't have a very good understanding of personal property. They seem to live by the idea "what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine." Hardly the most generous of North America's wildlife, raccoons are notorious thieves. Just look at this brazen robbery of 2 defenseless house cats. They just stand and watch the whole thing unfold.
Baywatch Moment
That's not to say that raccoons are all selfish. They actually form fairly close friendships with each other and will defend each other from predators and strangers (but not bad choices.) You can see that friendship at work here when one raccoon decides to go for an afternoon swim. His friend isn't having any of it, probably because he didn't wait 30 minutes after eating.
Although I don't think there's anything that will ever top the time raccoons broke into a beer warehouse and got drunk.
Bottoms Up
"And I says to the guy, I says..."
You can basically hear the drunk stories pouring out of one inebriated raccoon after he was caught on tape stumbling and staggering his way around a beer warehouse.
The thief with a thirst broke in and clearly began sampling some wares. When employees found him he was three sheets to the wind, and he took one last swig before scampering away.
But those aren't the only ridiculous, rascally raccoons out there...
Gotta Hand It To 'Em
As I mentioned, raccoons have some of the most dexterous paws on the planet. In the wild they use them to catch fish, pick berries, and probably play cards. They have 5 fingers and can grip things almost as well as humans can. They make adorable gestures when looking for food, but if you ever only see raccoon hands it's actually the stuff of nightmares. For instance when they're reaching for kibble from underneath a deck.
Boys and Their Toys
Boys will boys, and raccons will be raccoons. Both seem to have a fondness of their toys, but one raccoon went seriously viral when it was recorded playing with a toy. This raccoon is clearly a domesticated pet. It doesn't seem to mind and instead just rolls with it.
Oh, Hi Mark
Toronto's Lester B Pearson airport is the largest airport in Canada, it also is apparently the favorite of raccoons. Earlier this year they caused a stir when they tweeted out a hilarious saga of an unwelcome guest. Passengers were awaiting their luggage when they looked up, and saw a masked animal staring back at them. A raccoon had gotten into the ducts of the airport and was apparently just watching people mill about.
The authorites were able to apprehend the animal and released him safely into the wild.
Bath Time
Raccoons can actually make pretty great pets. They're like 1 part cat, 1 part toddler and 3 parts drunken uncle. Maybe I'm not doing a great job of upselling them, but many people choose to live with raccoons.
This family isn't one of them.
A family from Texas woke up to find they had been broken into, and the intruder was still in the house. More specifically, the sink. Trisha Wilhelm opened her bathroom door to find two beady eyes staring back at her. She backed away and the raccoon calmly jumped down and walked out the backdoor.